Nov 18, 2005

'Confiteor' meme

Patrick Coffin has suggested I get on the "I confess" meme bandwagon, so here goes ...

I confess that I used to love "guitar Masses."

I confess that I cannot figure out why Father Corapi is so hugely popular (my spell check always wants to substitute "crap" for Corapi.

I confess that I hate menudo.

I confess that I like Cindi Lauper's music.

I confess that I can't get through the Apostles Creed without importing phrases from the Nicene Creed.

I confess that I go through about 50 rosary beads a year due to breakage or loss.

I confess that I used to be a Democrat.

I confess that I never smoked pot (one reason why I couldn't remain a Democrat).

I confess that I have removed copies of the NCR and US Catholic from parish literature racks and trashed them.

I confess that I cannot resist the temptation to "ignite" every darn electric votive "candle" in the churches where I find them. Of course, I don't pay for them, but use my car key to "turn them on."

I confess that I always bring a book to Mass with me to read during the homily, just in case.

I confess that I know all the words to "I am the Walrus."

I confess that I fell asleep during the movie "Therese."

I confess that I confess once a week (I'm a big sinner).

I confess that I am out of things to confess, at least for today.

I hereby tag: Clayton, Rick, Non Sum Dignus, Patrick, and Thirsty Scribe.


Blogger Venerable Aussie said...

"I confess that I can't get through the Apostles Creed without importing phrases from the Nicene Creed"

And I confess that I thought I was the only one who did this!

4:38 AM  
Blogger Vir Speluncae Catholicus said...

I confess that I have every line to The Quiet Man memorized.

I confess that I have accused certain priests of being Sodomite-Friendly.

I confess to crying at movies. Who amongst us didn't cry when the Drill Instructor got shot in Full Metal Jacket?

I confess to refering to certain ultra-liberal parishes by made up and rather insulting names, such as Innacurate Deception and St. Missed The Mark.

I confess that my home repair kit being a ball peen hammer and a roll of duct tape.

I confess to interrogating my daughter's boyfriend with a ball peen hammer and a roll of duct tape.

I confess I blamed my wife for "shrinking" all my clothes. (sure! I'd love a third helping of mashed potatoes!)

I confess that during weaker moments, I refered to my beloved Corps as "U.S.M.C. -- Unlimited S**t, Mass Confusion".

I confess mumbling my way through portions of certain songs where I'm not quite sure of the lyrics, then screaming the words I do know in the hopes that I've just fooled everyone into believing that I really do know all the words.

I confess to watching the sit-com "Wings" just to see Crystal Bernard's butt.

I confess to using the Latin language incorrectly just to make me sound smart. (we all know that Latin for "Bag The Day" is "Carpe Scrotum"... right?)

I confess that while I was on D.I. Duty, I never thumped a recruit... who didn't deserve it.

I confess to tapping the gas nozzle against the opening of the gas tank, just so I can get EVERY LAST DROP of gas. Why is it only guys who do that? Must be something urinary.

Speaking of urine, I confess to peeing into a jar on many an coast-to-coast drive.

I confess to not picking up the dog crap in my back yard because I rationalized it as "it's fertilizing the grass".

I confess to refering to the USCCB as the Judas Iscariot Fan Club

5:33 AM  
Blogger Scarlette said...

I confess that I have to still read the Apostles Creed from the missal lest I do what venerable and Quintero do.

I confess that I want to smack the older people who sit in the back and converse very loudly. I confess that I want to smack them hard.

I confess that once I had to sit in the back with these older people. When I shushed them for talking, one of them snickered so I called her and "evil bitch" under my breath.

5:44 AM  
Blogger Saint Johns Army said...

You said, "I confess that I have removed copies of the NCR and US Catholic from parish literature racks and trashed them."

I confess that my daughter and I used to collect ALL the "Orange County Catholic" papers we could carry in her Hyundai, (I mean the bumper was going to drag) and throw them away. I didn't even want the paper recycled.

WOW! WOW! WOW! I "FEEL" better now. Please contact or E-mail this to one of Mahoneys parish life directors for internet absolution!


9:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I confess that I like Fr. Corapt-at least I get to hear one priest truly preach.

I confess to removing 'peace and justice' literature, America and other trash to the trash bin.

I confess that I have cried at the tabernacle because Our Lord is so little loved there.

I confess that twice this year I was so upset at Mass that I could not go to Holy Communion.

I confess to being a thorn in my spiritual director's side.

I confess to loving Jesus and Mary.

I confess to wanting the whole world to love them too.

9:24 AM  
Anonymous Linda said...

I confess to changing the lyrics to "I am the Resurrection" to "HE is the Resurrection, HE is the life" when I sing it.

I confess to feeling disrespect for Jesuit priests.

I confess to once being 97% pro-Life. I used to think it might be OK for victims of rape and incest to have abortions. I do NOT think that anymore. I am 100% Pro-Life now.

I confess to dreaming about drinking a grande,skinny cappuccino with wet foam after Mass, during the homily (sometimes).

I confess to feeling somehow superior to those that do not kneel for the Consecration.

I confess to being responsible for having Operation Christmas Child banned in my parish.

I confess to being partly responsible for having hand-holding during the Our Father "phased out".

I confess that I was once the Catholic Cafeteria Queen (as recently as 3 years ago until the Holy Spirit did a number on me in March 2003)

I confess a desire to wear a chapel veil to Mass though I can not muster up the guts to do it.

I confess to an unholy addiction to an online bookseller who sells Hahn, Keating, CS Lewis, Sheen, etc. I have never purchased so many books in so little time!

I confess to coming to this blog about 5 times a day because I love it and the comments you all leave so much!

11:32 AM  
Blogger bobnd said...

I confess I walked out of a liberals mass, I confess that I was a former Democrat, I confess that I love good orthodox priests(we do not have enough of them) I confess I battled with my former pastor when he combined the offertory together, I confess I like hearing the confitor said in church, I confess I love my faith deeper now than ever, I confess to saying that protesents are pagans, I confess that I am growing in the faith and wanting to serve God and his church more and more.

12:46 PM  
Blogger Scarlette said...

I confess that I meant "Nicene Creed" when I said "Apostles Creed" in my first confession post. I confess that my faith that you all knew what I meant wavered so I had to make this post.
I also confess that some of these posts are so funny that I've wasted a greater part of the day reading them and others on different blogs.

4:38 PM  
Anonymous Quintero said...

I confess that what I said about Father Corapi gave the impression that I don't appreciate what he does. I do. Lots of people think he's great and it is true he teaches the truth. For me it's more a matter of style rather than substance. His "style" of teaching doesn't do much for me and I admit that that is a subjective thing and obviously I am in the minority, perhaps, on this point.

One other criticism I have of Corapi is that he sure charges a lot a money for his "appearances."

7:54 PM  
Blogger thirsty scribe said...

I confess that I once attended a 'gay-positive healing Mass' with a hidden camera, with the intention of exposing the event to the diocese and the press.

I confess to calling the organizer of this event, and tape-recording our conversation about 'which priests and parishes are gay positive.'

I confess that he revealed some .. well .. rather incriminating information about people in that diocese.

I confess that I still have the casette tape somewhere in my desk.

I confess that the information was never submitted to the diocese, and never used to expose the heterodox Jesuits involved.

I confess that I didn't bother with the above, in order to save my reputation in the local church (and to save my job).

I confess that I confessed this to my confessor, who told me 'it is not licit to use evil means when trying to expose heretics.'

I confess that I've now decided to focus on my salvation rather than singlehandedly fight corruption in the church.

8:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Thirsty Scribe, What doing under cover work is evil? Did you kill someone? Give me the tape. I confess I will give it to the proper authorities at The Vatican. Find your self another confessor one who is willing to give up his life to save the sheep.

12:02 AM  
Blogger thirsty scribe said...

dear anonymous,

I will explain. To disguise oneself on the telephone as someone who is looking for 'a gay positive parish', with the result that someone confides in you information about themselves and others which can damage their reputation, is somewhat unethical. I was told it is WRONG TO LIE-period, even if it is for a good end, and to lie about things of religion, is doubly serious. I believe St. Augustine of Hippo wrote about this issue, with regard to the heretics of his day.

(Of course, undercover cops and detectives need to do this all the time ...)

8:27 AM  
Blogger skeetor said...

I confess that I have bad thoughts... when people say even slightly negative things about good people... WHEN there are so many bad people to talk about.

stick to bashing fag priests and their fag bishops who try to cover up the general fagness.

4:31 PM  
Blogger Venerable Aussie said...

I confess that when I read Quintero's line - "I confess that I always bring a book to Mass with me to read during the homily, just in case" - I started to think that maybe that's a good idea, but then I confess I changed to thinking that maybe it's best to start praying fervently in such situations.

This probably applies whether the sermon is heretical, a missed opportunity for evangelization, or just plain boring.

5:49 PM  
Blogger Clayton said...

Okay, Quintero, I've finally shriven myself.

9:07 AM  

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